The Origins of The Bish Bosh Bash

In this blog, Ste Brown (seen blindfolded here) tells us about a divine intervention that led him to understand more about the history of The Bish Bosh Bash.

Photo C. Lee Pullen

So, one Friday evening in Bristol I was just hanging out. Then, out of bleddy nowhere, the gods of Bish and Bosh spoke to me and told me to order some takeaway with extra napkins. I ordered some Chinese. It was delicious. And on the napkins was scribbled some text. I read the text and realised immediately that this was the story of the creation of the Bish Bosh Bash (and, some would say, the creation of everything). Now, by that time I’d had a couple of beers, but what follows is basically what it said… 

… Mainly.

In the beginning, there was a Bash. It was a big Bash. And all of the Gods were there. There weren’t any humans yet. It was a cracking party. 

Then, the deities Bish and Bosh agreed to the first-ever competition. It was at this point that Bish created the ping-pong ball and Bosh created the plastic cup. Beer was already created because beer is eternal. And thus, they played the first, and most epic, game of beer pong (they actually played it with 5 hoops in the middle of the table that you had to get the ping pong ball through. This is why the Olympics has 5 hoops as its logo. All competitions started here.). 

Soon, the other deities at the Bash gathered around, taking sides. Thor, Ganesh and Ares were the first to side with Bish; and Loki, Shiva and Artemis with Bosh. Before long more of the gods had gathered around, each taking sides as the competition gathered speed. Bish would no-look swish the ball into the cup to cheers from Santa, Deadpool and Mario. Whilst Bosh would retort with a behind-the-back flourish to high-5s from Yoda, Shrek and Luigi. 

This Bash lasted for 7 days. The gods gathered on Monday, started having drinks on Tuesday, they were playing beer pong by Wednesday, and on Thursday and Friday and Saturday. But finally ended with everyone chilling on Sunday. 

Who won that initial battle has been lost in the annals of time (or, I lost that bit of the napkin), and so a host was created to guide over proceedings, keep score and hold the divinity of the Bash above all. A most sacred role, the host’s word is law and if challenged during a Bash, forfeits are given. Nobody likes these forfeits. They are well embarrassing.

All this happened on a giant turtle’s back.

It goes on to say something about a snake eating an apple and building a massive boat for the world’s first-ever animal couples cruise… but to be honest, I’d had a few by then, so it gets a bit blurry. 

So, next time you visit the Bish Bosh Bash and wonder why you’re having so much fun that it feels like you’re almost having a religious experience… it’s because you are. And the performers are basically cheeky angels, and the host is basically Jesus.

And this is why we hold the first Friday of each month as a sacred day to re-enact the holiest of all Bashes.

The Bish Bosh Bash is on Friday 7th February. Tickets are £10 and can be purchased here.

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