Blog

The Gospel According to St. Cursed Leafblower

This is the true account of Svenbard and Gutonbel, who ran into our adventurers from Tales of Adventure and were convinced they were angels. Read on to find out more …


Lo, Svenbard and Guntobel were made outcast from the order of the scared spoke, knowing as the did the truth of the WHEEL.
And Svenbard was filled with anger, turning to his former brethren who were deceived by the lie of the outside world, and spoke thusly:
You’ll regret this, you assholes!
Many turns of the WHEEL passed, and Svenbard and Guntobel came to live in the sacred rainforest, seeking divine revelation.


Lo, and the WHEEL did shake and tremor as though cast through the air and crashed to the ground, and Svenbard and Guntobel knew it to be the COSMIC WOBBLE spoken of in the prophecy of the giggling marble.
There followed a period of calm.
And the calm was disturbed by a voice in the rainforest, speaking thusly:
Come here, you stupid monkey
.Following the mysterious voice, they beheld a most wondrous sight:
Five strangers to the WHEEL, alike in their manifest divinity, each looking up at a monkey in the tree above them.
Knowing the outside world to be a lie, Svenbard and Guntobel saw at once that these strangers could only be visitors from heaven, and prostrated themselves in reverence to the holy beings.


And the angels spoke holy words of wisdom.
BAGSI the angel of vengeance, clad in pink steel and bearing an aspect of frightful power, spoke thusly: 
Hey, who are those guys in the bushes?
HATCHETT the angel of life, clad in animal forms and bearing an aspect of great kindness, spoke thusly:
Hello! This is a very interesting wheel you have here.
GEOFFERY the angel of truth, clad in silks of dazzling colours and bearing an aspect of untouched purity, spoke thusly:
We are 100% definitely real angels visiting from heaven, absolutely. Also that monkey has stolen my arm.
TRYM the angel of enlightened self-interest, clad in stolen youth and bearing an aspect of wily cunning, spoke thusly:
You guys can guide us through the wheel, right? And I guess maybe help get Geoffery’s arm back.
STAINMOUTHFORDHIGGLEDYSTAIN the angel of secret knowledge, clad in robes twice his length and bearing an aspect of divine wisdom, spoke thusly:
You shall be our disciples and aid us in our holy mission.
I shall give you new names also.


Thus did Svenbard become CURSED LEAFBLOWER, and his companion Guntobel became A LIBRARY OF BOOKS ON ETHICAL GOAT FARMING, and the both of them were blessed with holy purpose.


Many were the trials to be faced by the new saints on their quest to aid the angels.
Blood was to be shed in the battle against the terrible museum curators, and worse still the dangers of the fish tank.
 Joyous confrontation was to come with their brother monks, now proven wrong in their heresy of a world outside the WHEEL. 
Yet the angels themselves were to face terrible trials at the HUB, where great truths of the WHEEL would be revealed…


Tales of Adventure Ep.2 is on Thursday 30th January. Tickets are £7 and can be purchased here.

We are currently online only due to the pandemic. Follow us on https://www.twitch.tv/bristolimprovtheatre.